Life is hard
Do you ever feel lonely, feel sad and like no one care about your feeling?
You have family, you have boyfriend or girlfriend but seems like you don't have,
You ever feel like that?
Yah, i ever feel like that. And sometimes they are like my friend. I am so familiar with that feeling.
Why? I don't know. But God always pushing me with so many trouble.
Iam sorry Lord, sorry if my act like a daughter who not know to thanked You.
I always try to be strong,
I never show my true feeling to anyone,
But sometimes i realized, Iam not a superwoman.
Iam still me, yah me...
Last night, suddenly i got this feeling again.
My mom crying a lot again coz she is missed my brother.
Yahhhh, almost 4 years and she never stop thingking about Him.
And she is crying again, she is wanted him back.
Like usual, I must be the strongest one.
I have a job to make her not sad anymore, no matter what my conditition in that time.
If I say something, she will call me a bad daughter.
If I can change God's will, i want to change my life with my brother.
But I cant't
So what can I do? I must listening her, listening how she missed him, listening that she wanted him back, listening that he is her everything.
Iam Oke with all of these, but sometimes im tired.
Iam tired for hearing the same story for long time.
Iam sorry mom.
It's not means i don't love you, but don't you want to know about me?
Iam still your daughter right?
It's not easy to hold our feeling.
And i have hold this feeling for years.
Maybe since I have a boyfriend, i can tell him a little by a little about my feeling.
I can breathe easier, I thanked God for him.
But for last night, he was sick. So i can't tell him.
I don't want to disturb him.
And the loneliness come to me so fast.
And iam standing here, alone, and careless.
Poor me.
Anyway, sometimes i was thingking, is he really heard me?
Or just want to make me forget my loneliness?
I dunno. I dont know, how long he can stand by me.
My life was full of problem, can you fixed these?
And I know, that no one will understand about my true feeling.
They just can talk, they just can say so much advise, but they will not never understand.
That's why I feel so hard to trust anyone.
I can't trust anyone. Because they will never stay with me forever.
People is a liar.
My dad is liar, he says that he loves me, buat he lie. He leave me alone.
Alone.
Yah, Iam alone here.
I have nobody around me.
And nobody want to hear my strory.
How hard I try to make my mom happy, she cannot see it.
She never see it.
I will be a bad daughter for her.
And my brother still the best.
She never see me.
And my boyfriend?
Maybe she thinking Iam a childish girl.
Iam a moody and selfish girl.
All I can do just making him stressed.
I am sorry, i am sorry for bringing you into my problem.
I am sorry for disturbing you with all my strory.
I am sorry.
Am I sad? Absolutely !
But who will care?
Am I crying? Yess !
But who will hear?
Iam here,
Alone.
I don't know how long i can stand.
We will see.
You have family, you have boyfriend or girlfriend but seems like you don't have,
You ever feel like that?
Yah, i ever feel like that. And sometimes they are like my friend. I am so familiar with that feeling.
Why? I don't know. But God always pushing me with so many trouble.
Iam sorry Lord, sorry if my act like a daughter who not know to thanked You.
I always try to be strong,
I never show my true feeling to anyone,
But sometimes i realized, Iam not a superwoman.
Iam still me, yah me...
Last night, suddenly i got this feeling again.
My mom crying a lot again coz she is missed my brother.
Yahhhh, almost 4 years and she never stop thingking about Him.
And she is crying again, she is wanted him back.
Like usual, I must be the strongest one.
I have a job to make her not sad anymore, no matter what my conditition in that time.
If I say something, she will call me a bad daughter.
If I can change God's will, i want to change my life with my brother.
But I cant't
So what can I do? I must listening her, listening how she missed him, listening that she wanted him back, listening that he is her everything.
Iam Oke with all of these, but sometimes im tired.
Iam tired for hearing the same story for long time.
Iam sorry mom.
It's not means i don't love you, but don't you want to know about me?
Iam still your daughter right?
It's not easy to hold our feeling.
And i have hold this feeling for years.
Maybe since I have a boyfriend, i can tell him a little by a little about my feeling.
I can breathe easier, I thanked God for him.
But for last night, he was sick. So i can't tell him.
I don't want to disturb him.
And the loneliness come to me so fast.
And iam standing here, alone, and careless.
Poor me.
Anyway, sometimes i was thingking, is he really heard me?
Or just want to make me forget my loneliness?
I dunno. I dont know, how long he can stand by me.
My life was full of problem, can you fixed these?
And I know, that no one will understand about my true feeling.
They just can talk, they just can say so much advise, but they will not never understand.
That's why I feel so hard to trust anyone.
I can't trust anyone. Because they will never stay with me forever.
People is a liar.
My dad is liar, he says that he loves me, buat he lie. He leave me alone.
Alone.
Yah, Iam alone here.
I have nobody around me.
And nobody want to hear my strory.
How hard I try to make my mom happy, she cannot see it.
She never see it.
I will be a bad daughter for her.
And my brother still the best.
She never see me.
And my boyfriend?
Maybe she thinking Iam a childish girl.
Iam a moody and selfish girl.
All I can do just making him stressed.
I am sorry, i am sorry for bringing you into my problem.
I am sorry for disturbing you with all my strory.
I am sorry.
Am I sad? Absolutely !
But who will care?
Am I crying? Yess !
But who will hear?
Iam here,
Alone.
I don't know how long i can stand.
We will see.
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